性愛與坦承 

Sex and Honesty 

 

很多人認為伴侶間的忠誠,只是需要你誠實地對待你的伴侶便可,例如直接說出你去了酒吧,而不說你是因為工作到很晚。事實上,在於兩性關係,真正的誠實並不止如此為確保你達至健康的關係,就是要避免這段關係出現謊言。 

It's easy to assume sexual honesty is just about being faithful to your partner and telling the truth about staying in the pub for one too many, rather than saying you were working late. However, real sexual honesty goes deeper and is one of the best ways of ensuring you have a healthy relationship – so avoid these relationship lies. 

 

「我沒事。」很多人為了避免衝突,很多時都會隱藏自己的感覺,相信一個好伴侶應犧牲自己的需要。偶爾善意的謊言(例如:「不,你的屁股看來不大。」)是合適的,但經常將你伴侶放在第一位,只會引來厭煩。但當然這不是說你需要挑剔你的伴侶:你只需要坦承自己的感覺並不要把感覺投射你的伴侶身上。與其說「你又再晚回家了!」,不如說「我覺得你好像沒有將事情的變化告訴我,並將它成為慣常。」這樣一來,你就可能不會得到一個激動的反應,但仍能說出你的想法。 

"I'm fine." Many people avoid conflict by hiding their feelings, believing a good partner sacrifices their own needs. While the occasional white lie ("No, your bum doesn't look big in that") can be thoughtful, continually putting your partner first will lead to resentment. That doesn't mean you have to snipe: simply be honest about how you feel – and own those feelings for yourself rather than projecting them onto a partner. Rather than saying, "You're thoughtless for being late home," say, "I feel taken for granted when you change plans last minute without telling me." That way, you're less likely to get a defensive reaction but you're also being true to yourself. 

 

「啊,啊,啊。」男人和女人都可以假扮高潮的聲音,一切都是為免傷害戀人的感情,(或是結束過長的床上時間)。但是,如果你假扮高潮,伴侶便會以他們做了正確的事情,下一次更可能再做同樣的行動,因為他以為「這成功了」。相反,指導你的伴侶如何使你達到高潮,或者承認您是太累/緊張/喝醉,因此沒有達至高潮。性愛不代表雙方必須擁有高潮;但假扮高潮長遠來說,總是會令性愛更糟。 

"Ooh, ooh, aah." Men and women can both fake it to avoid hurting a lover's feelings, (or end a sex session that's taking too long). However, if you fake it, a lover will assume they're doing the right thing – and probably do the same again next time because 'it worked'. Instead, guide your partner towards doing what will get you off, or admit you're too tired / stressed / drunk to climax. Sex doesn't have to lead to mutual climax and faking it will almost always lead to worse rather than better sex long term. 

 

「我很樂意這樣做。」不同的人有不同的慾望,但不代表你必須答應伴侶的性要求。如果你不喜歡對方提出的性要求,你應該坦誠提出(不要對對方有偏見的評論)。同時你亦要接受一些你想做,但你的伴侶卻不想嘗試的事情。妥協只是任何關係的一部分,如果有些東西你感到不舒服,你應有自己的立場。真正的兩性關係不只要說「是」,有時亦要說「不」。 

"I'm happy to do that." Different people have different desires but just because a partner asks you to do something sexual, you don't have to say yes. If you don't like the idea of a sex act, be honest (without being judgemental). And accept it if your lover isn't into something you'd like to try too. Compromise is a part of any relationship but if you're not comfortable about something, it's better to stand your ground. Real sexual confidence is as much about saying "No," as saying, "Yes." 

 

一個健康的戀愛關係是建基於信任、感情和尊重,所以,如果你,確實尊重你的伴侶,便要說出真話,這份信任會令你倆的關係更堅實。 

A healthy, loving relationship is based on trust, affection and respect, so pay your lover the respect of telling the truth and the trust they give you in return will be based on much more solid ground. 

 

"Real sexual confidence is as much about saying “No,” as saying, “Yes.”