Dealing with Sexual and Emotional Baggage
Almost everyone has some baggage but no matter what happened in your past, you control your future. By dealing with your baggage, you'll take a weight off your own shoulders. Here are some common issues.
承諾恐懼症：你可能在成長之時，在兩性關係之中有過很差的經歷，並認為在愛情之中受到傷害。可能你曾經試過心碎，令你覺得自己並不值得再為愛而痛苦，因此你認 為不需要陷入兩性關係之中——很多人都很享受單身。但如果你經常墮入愛河，但當一旦投入又會抽身而出；又或經常給對方帶來負面的情緒，你的問題可能會傷害 你自己及其他人。世界上沒有一個神奇的解決方法打開你的心結，但如果你準備好，你可以檢視你過去的關係模式，尋找一種令你愉快的關係方式可以幫助你打開這個心鎖。可是，如果你未準備好，你不必逼迫你自己一定要進入情愛的關係，但你仍然可以嘗試從負面情緒中抽離，檢視令你愉快的模式。假如你對愛並未有心理準備，你應該對你的伴侶坦承；但如果你倆的關係只有肉體關係，記得要保持安全。
Commitmentphobia: Maybe you had a bad 'imprint' for relationships when you were growing up, and learned love can be damaging. Perhaps you had your heart broken and that made you feel as if love isn't worth the pain. There's no need to be in a relationship – many people are happy single – but if you often fall head over heels then withdraw once your love's reciprocated, or string people along without engaging emotionally, your issues may be damaging to yourself and others. There's no magic answer but examining your past for relationship patterns and seeing whether they've made you happy can help you work out your course of action. Don't pressure yourself to have a relationship if you're not ready but try to separate genuine emotions from negative learned patterns. If you're not ready for love, be honest with your partner. However, if it’s only a physical relationship you’re after, remember to always keep it safe.
Abandonment issues: Divorce is common nowadays, and is just one thing that could trigger feelings of abandonment. This can lead to clinginess, co-dependent relationships and, ironically, pushing people who love you away to prove your fears have foundation. Learn to love yourself and you're more likely to have a happy, healthy relationship.
Self-sabotage: If you don't feel worthy of love, it's easy to sabotage your life because you don't think you deserve to be happy. Reliance on drink, drugs and damaging sex (such as sex with people who are unavailable) can indicate you don't value yourself. Partners tend to mirror how we feel about ourselves so self-loathing can lead to negative relationships.
Baggage comes in many forms and there's no shame in seeking help unpacking it. Counselling can help if you find it hard alone, as can supportive friends and family. Be honest with yourself, take responsibility for the patterns that you've repeated (that doesn't mean bad things that have happened are your fault, but choosing to stay in a bad situation can be an indication of your self worth) and above all love yourself. Do things you enjoy, look after your body and self-worth – maybe even happily ever after – is more likely to follow.
“Partners tend to mirror how we feel about ourselves so self-loathing can lead to negative relationships.”